I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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