Soap is not a condiment
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
