I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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