last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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