I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
