Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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