we have pet lesbian snakes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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