She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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