He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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