the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
