just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
