I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
