So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
