then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
