I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
