New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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