So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
