lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
