Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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