I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
