Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
