I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hippo gnu deer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
