life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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