i already hear my dad disowning me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
