girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
