Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
