I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
