YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I would ride that face into the sunset
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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