I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
