It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
