forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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