Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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