So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Randomize
