If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
