Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need a beard to bite.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
