I'm eating all of the evidence.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
