thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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