I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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