You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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