And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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