if you like me you must not know who I am
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
