No subtext here. People are naked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
