Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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