he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
