my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Randomize
