i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
