Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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