Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
