Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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