also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
