Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
pray to the hookup gods
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
