I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
